Cigarette smoke may cause lung cancer, heart disease and fetal injury but it does wonders for my bank account. That is, until recently. Look no further than their corporate website to see an immediate problem. It clearly states that the best thing to do is quit. I’m no marketing whiz, but reverse psychology seems like a bad way to go during these volatile economic times. People might take it seriously. Is that a risk we’re willing to take as conscientious shareholders? See, when people quit smoking they don’t have to buy any more cigs and when they don’t buy any more cigs that means I don’t buy any more gold watches. And papa needs his gold watches. Plus, what up, Australia? Their socialist government has plans to strip company logos from cigarette packages and replace them with grisly images of cancerous mouths, sickly children and bulging, blinded eyes. That ain’t gonna move cartons. I think we need to get back to cool and lovable cartoons that make “adults” feel good about rippin’ a butt from time to time. Say what you will about Joe Camel, but he looked good with a choke in one hand and a pool cue in the other. If Mr. Helmut Wakeham hasn’t died from enjoying life yet, I say get him back:
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