Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Not Quite: Finland Falls to Croatia 84-79 on Exciting First Day of EuroBasket


Despite a valiant effort, simple mistakes cost Finland a nail biter against
the Croatians.






Out of the five teams in Group C, Greece may be the only superior to a cool, calm, and collected Croatian club.  Before this game, Finland did not appear as if they would pose any sort of threat to Croatia.  However, if you can sink your three pointers, anything is possible.  Although they only shot 40.7% from distance, they still made 11 three pointers, led by Gerald Lee Jr. who hit three from beyond the arc for the 'Fins.  And even though Croatia decisively won the rebounding battle 43-28, it was still any one's game heading into the final few minutes.  This is a time where you need to execute and make plays down the stretch.

On offense, Croatia continued to find Bojan Bogdanovic open for shots.  He scored 26 points on 9 for 13 shooting from the floor and 6 for 8 from deep.   For Finland, free throws proved to be the difference maker in my mind.  With 1:13 to play and Croatia up four, Salin missed two foul shots that would have shifted momentum and made this opening day contest a one possession game.  And finally, with three seconds remaining, Gerald Lee missed two foul shots that would have cut the lead to three points.  Croatia rebounded the second miss and let the clock run.  While Croatia found a go-to-guy in the closing minutes of a game that most believed should have been a blowout, Finland's failure to simply convert towards the end cost them greatly.

For Finland, things will only get rougher tomorrow as they take on a Greece team that many expect to win the 2011 EuroBasket tournament, and are ranked 4th in the Fiba Rankings.  Croatia should have somewhat of an easier game tomorrow, as they take on 0-1 Macedonia. 


Next Game:     Croatia (1-0) vs F.Y.R. of Macedonia (0-1)
                       Finland (0-1) vs Greece (1-0)

Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Dominican Republic Rolls Past Cuba 90-60



On the first day of the Fiba Americas from Argentina,
the D.R. blew past the Cubans, taking advantage of their talent &
experience to collect a 30 point opening game victory.




Now, when you think of the Dominican Republic, you typically think of baseball.  It is one of, if not the biggest international crop of talent on the globe.  Then, you have their basketball program.  Although they have never qualified for the Olympics, I personally believe that this may be the year.  With Kentucky Wildcat head coach John Calipari at the helm, gameplan should never be an issue for the Dominicans, especially since Calipari's dribble drive motion offense suits the international game so well.  So let's talk about the talent on this team:  You have NBA All-Star Al Horford, the Kings' Francisco Garcia, Detroit Piston Power Forward Cahrlie Villanueva, as well as former Lousivlle standout Edgar Sosa at the point. 

This game was no contest form beginning to end.  The Dominican Republic led 18-8 after the first period, and never looked back from there.  For those who watched this game, Cuba was simply outclassed.  The quicker & more experienced Dominicans forced bad shots, and the majority of the time made the Cubans go one and done offensively, with Jack Michael Martinez grabbing a game high 10 boards.  Horford poured in a game high 24 points and nine rebounds in 29 minutes of play. 

This Dominican team can play with any team in this year's field, while Cuba's young talent needs to gain better chemistry amongst themselves and make better decisions with and without the basketball.  Too many times in this game poor help defense by Cuba would lead to open shots for the D.R. 



Next Game:  Dominican Republic (1-0) vs Venezuela [8/31]
                     Cuba (0-1) vs Venezuela [9/1]

Monday, 29 August 2011

Git(some)'Mo

Multiple weeks for the Noir at the Bar anthology on the St. Louis Independent Book Store Alliance best seller list - fuck yes! Thanks everybody. N@B badass Chris La Tray is telling the story behind his contribution to the anthology - Vampires are Pussies - right here. Go read the hell outta that.

You want more? Yeah, you do. That's why D*CKED is now here. The cranky, rattling, colic-y brain-child of Greg Bardsley and Kieran Shea (okay, my name's on there too) has finally busted outta the cellar, stolen a car, picked up a half-dozen runaway hitchhikers, and was last seen shooting rocket-propelled grenades at bunnies out the window while tearing ass for a horizon near you. It's out in the world now and you'll just have to deal with it. Not bad for a fictional character with no pulse, no?

You've heard the pitch right? We asked a handful of creative types to let their twisted inner fabulists off  the leash and do a little free association with the name Dick Cheney. Got a bunch of wild ideas including several that reoccurred in variations (Dick in pop-culture, Dick as vampire or other mythological creature, Dick's correspondence, Dick's sexy secrets etc.) Who came to play? Patricia Abbott, Cameron Ashley, Eric Beetner, Tony Black, Ken Bruen, Jimmy Callaway, Rachel Canon, Hilary Davidson, Jason Duke, Bill Fitzhugh, Matthew C. Funk, Harry Hunsicker, Nancy Lee Philcox, Scott Phillips, Keith Rawson, Mark Richardson, Al Riske, Marcus Sakey and Steve Weddle. Plus, our wordless contributor, artist Owen Smith delivers the goods via the front cover which is worth the measly $9.99 to hold the object in your hands... Yeah, come to think of it, I'm going to order an extra copy just to rip the cover off and frame that shit.

Really, really proud of the fantastic collection of pulp covers that I'm piling in behind these days. Awaiting the Crime Factory anthology with... (breaths into hand)... baited breath.


Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Jacked Up





I had read some things on the internet after my last few books, saying that I had gone “soft.”  And also, I’d been reading interviews with some of the younger crime writers out there, who are jacked up on what they’re doing and are full of piss and vinegar, as all writers should be.  I’m the competitive type, no question. So with The Cut, I guess I’m saying, I’m still here. I get jacked up, too.

From my interview with George Pelecanos at Ransom Notes.

Saturday, 20 August 2011

This Gun For Hire: Roger Donaldson


Journeymen, craftsmen and artisans in general hold a rare warm ember in my coal-hard-dark heart. The guys and gals out there doin it for hire, honing their skills over time and with constant, repetitive motion leaving behind a body of work often unappreciated in their own time because it was dismissed as populist, mass media, common - whatever pejorative the snobbish jack-offs of the day assign to work that's eager to please and find an audience.

By necessity, there's a lot of throw-away items in their catalog, but once in a while I like to take a moment to consider them, and today belongs to Roger Donaldson. That's right, the director of Cocktail and The World's Fastest Indian is finally getting his due at the HBW, though neither of those films are making my top-five. And neither are some decent ones like The Bounty, (when you're telling ol' timey seafare -  you can not skimp on the simple pleasures of abundant nudity - something Donaldson knows) Cadillac Man and Thirteen Days (yeah, Roger helps Costner stay out of his own way like I really think Kevin'd like to if more producers and directors would only let him, plus Bruce Greenwood as John Kennedy? I liked it.) But, we're not gonna dwell on turdbags like The Recruit or Dante's Peak either.

Roger Donaldson Top Five:

White Sands - Honestly, I haven't seen this movie since it was new nearly twenty years ago. Needless to say my tastes have changed some, but some things that haven't like my enjoyment of Mickey Rourke doing damn near anything on screen, my love of crime stories and the strength of the cast - Willem Dafoe, Samuel L. Jackson, M. Emmett Walsh (plus Fred Thompson and Mimi Rogers just kinda hanging around the background). Seem to recall the film's immediate critical dismissing and panning, and true '92 saw some pretty sweet crime flicks (Reservoir Dogs, El Mariachi, Bad Lieutenant, Romper Stomper), but remove yourself twenty years and ask yourself, would you rather put this one on now or the big hits of the day like Lethal Weapon 3 or Passenger 57?

Species - Somewhere in the nineties, John Carpenter became a fixture of the eighties (hey, I'll still see anything with his name on it, but for one reason or another, his presence faded somewhere after Memoirs of an Invisible Man). Anyhow, my feeling is that somebody looked up one day and said, where the fuck did Carpenter go? And commissioned a script that would have it all - a hot alien, tough guys, lotsa nudity, blood, sex, dubious science and hey, how about a kick-ass cast? What's Ben Kingsley doing next week? Book him. How about Alfred Molina? No, he only thinks he's busy. Tell him that in this one he'll get tongue-kissed to death by a hot naked chick. Yeah, thought so. Alright, we need Forrest Whittaker and Michael Madsen too, right? Dumb? Yeah, but good, goofy fun.

The Getaway - What this movie had going against it - the legacy of Steve McQueen and Sam Peckinpah's original blood and dust classic. What this movie had going for it? Blood. Dust. The hardboiled classic by Jim Thompson, (though, not as much in either film as I'd like to see) and Alec Baldwin before his hyper-masculinity was purposely funny. Plus, James Woods, Michael Madsen, David MorseJennifer Tilly, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Kim Basinger - far less shy and even a better actress than Ali MacGraw for support. Nothin fancy, just bang for your buck and slick too. I'd take Peckinpah's over this one in a heartbeat, but hey, I enjoyed this plenty.

The Bank Job - Far more than the sum of it's parts. Not really sure why it worked as well as it did. Not a show-stopping heist flick, not a particularly street-wise gangster epic, not a kick-ass action spectacular and not a richly-detailed dramatic period piece either. Smarter and funnier too than I had any expectations for - a marketing snafu or puzzle, I suspect. Somehow, less than the top of any of it's respective genres, it managed to be competent at each and fill an unlikely void in the flavor spectrum. Not a hard way to spend an afternoon at all.

No Way Out - The only truly excellent film on the list. You think I'm kidding, don't you? I'm not. Love this film. Love this film. Don't ever like Kevin Costner? Fuck you. This one is pure plot, just a constructed in reverse puzzler that ticks like a clock, and you say the characters are thin? Well, aren't they always in this type of fare? But movie stars (as opposed to capital 'A' actors) are just audience surrogates, inviting us to fill in the sketch on the screen with our own experience, and Costner never did it so well. This one is the standard bearer for thriller film-making, and I'm not ashamed to confess falling hard for every twist, feeling every turn of the ratchet in my nuts and yeah, getting my pulse into dangerous territory.

Thursday, 18 August 2011

WEARING YOUR MITT TO A BIG LEAGUE GAME IF YOU’RE OVER 13


When you begin to grow hair around and sometimes on your schmekel you have a certain responsibility not to act like a boob. Many parents don’t teach that important rule. Tweenagers should be told to wear a glove in the bedroom and not at the ballpark. It’s responsible parenting 101. There is no greater feeling than holding a full beer in one hand and a home run in the other. Your bareback catch will make kids see you as a superhero and grownups admire your commitment to keeping every drop of the liquid gold in your cup. The $8 price tag on that Coors Light will give you that much more incentive. Even the ballplayers will take a timeout from roid-rage to toss you a respectful head nod. Heck, it could even land you on Sportscenter, especially if you catch the ball right in front of a kid’s face. But don’t try for that move. There’s too much downside in a failed attempt.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

MY PHILIP MORRIS STOCK


Cigarette smoke may cause lung cancer, heart disease and fetal injury but it does wonders for my bank account. That is, until recently. Look no further than their corporate website to see an immediate problem. It clearly states that the best thing to do is quit. I’m no marketing whiz, but reverse psychology seems like a bad way to go during these volatile economic times. People might take it seriously. Is that a risk we’re willing to take as conscientious shareholders? See, when people quit smoking they don’t have to buy any more cigs and when they don’t buy any more cigs that means I don’t buy any more gold watches. And papa needs his gold watches. Plus, what up, Australia? Their socialist government has plans to strip company logos from cigarette packages and replace them with grisly images of cancerous mouths, sickly children and bulging, blinded eyes. That ain’t gonna move cartons. I think we need to get back to cool and lovable cartoons that make “adults” feel good about rippin’ a butt from time to time. Say what you will about Joe Camel, but he looked good with a choke in one hand and a pool cue in the other. If Mr. Helmut Wakeham hasn’t died from enjoying life yet, I say get him back:


Tuesday, 16 August 2011

JOINT COUPLE EMAIL ADDRESSES

Why not just get joint underpants while you're at it? I'm not saying you need to keep secrets, but sometimes you need to keep secrets, you know what I'm saying? Email systems should be required to issue warnings when they sense these addresses: We have detected a joint couple address, are you sure you want to send? If you hit yes it should send you another one that says: Are you absolutely sure? Why are you even friends with these people? Then it should wait a day and send you another one that simply says: Seriously, dude? Why even have an email address at that point? It’s tough to catch up on correspondence when you’re constantly locked in a loving gaze with your significant other. You’re not going to be checking out Uncle Steve’s beautiful pictures of Alaska when you have all the Eskimo kisses you can handle right in front of you. It’s a free country, so do what you want, but I’m just saying it’s the first step on a long path leading to the applying of preparation-H onto one another’s underbums.

Monday, 15 August 2011

BS

So, somehow I deleted this post and am now half-assing a re-write... Which shouldn't be too hard because it was good, happy shit to say - especially about Noir at the Bar - the book - debuting at number five on the Best Seller List - the St. Louis Independent Book Store Alliance best seller list, that is, but hey, when you're only available in one place in the entire world???? You take what you can get.


Let's see, I also mentioned a little teaser about the next N@B event which will be 8pm Wednesday, September 14 at Meshuggah Cafe with some pre-Bouchercon stuffs goin' on. Said something about Keith Rawson's new short story eCollection from Snubnose Press The Chaos We Know, mentioned John Hornor Jacobs' eCollection, Fierce As the Grave, Richard Thomas and Kyle Minor in the Warmed & Bound anthology and Frank Bill in the September issue of Playboy.


Also, at Ransom Notes, I'm talking up James Sallis's double whammy of The Killer is Dying and the movie Drive, and I've just picked up One Single Shot by Matthew F. Jones (with a foreword by none other than Daniel Woodrell) and I think it's gonna leave a mark.


Talk about leaving a mark, put Ben Wheatley's Down Terrace on thine Netflix que quick-like. I did after seeing it recommended by Ray Banks and Allan Guthrie. I'll take their next suggestions too. My gawsh it were a muck-up of a crime flick. Just a cluster-fuck of emotions, at once hilarious and horrifying in a mix I've never quite experienced before. Wheatley's got another one coming - Kill List, and I'll be first in line for that one, bet yur ass. 

PREGNANT MANNEQUINS





Even if the boobs are awesome.

Friday, 12 August 2011

LEAVING DINNER PARTIES

Extricating yourself from a dinner party can be an arduous, multi-step process. Experience, planning, verbal sprightliness and a devious spirit are all arrows you’ll need for your quiver. Read the following carefully, stay vigilant and you’ll be watching TV in your underwear before you know it.



Let’s begin at the beginning. Step 1 involves stealthy nonverbal communication with your significant other. The goal here is to communicate a desire to leave without tipping off your hosts and fellow attendees. Widen your eyes, raise your eyebrows and quickly nod in the general direction of the front door.



You’re now ready to move on to step 2. Begin dropping hints about how much crap you have to do the next day. Have real examples at the ready–you’ll surely be asked. That seed may be planted, but it still needs water to grow. Enter step 3: a sincere yawn followed by a quick apology. If this isn’t artfully executed it will be correctly construed as rude and immediately put you in Dutch with the little lady.



Then you have to eat dessert, step 4. Keep in mind you’re still 45 minutes from starting the car. Here is where I want to see you playfully deflecting board game advances. One effective technique is to inform everyone that "it might be a little much on this particular evening, but next time they're all going down!" You’re doing great.



Which brings us to step 5, where we up the heat. Get aggressive with a firm but friendly "well honey, I think we better call it a night." This must be impeccably timed. Don't make the rookie mistake of thinking you’re out of the woods yet because you’re headed for the buzz saw known as step 6: the inside goodbyes.



Try to do your inside goodbyes as close to the door as possible. There will be more chitchat about how great the food was and vague plans about when you can all get together again. Traditionally, this can be a prickly phase, especially if kids are involved. They can derail everything you’ve worked for up to this point. Suddenly little Timmy could find the inspiration for an impromptu performance. This can be prevented by slipping a small amount of crushed Ambien in his food earlier in the evening. Please note: this highly advanced maneuver must only be performed by men with at least ten years of marriage under their belts.



Welcome to step 7, the front porch goodbye. This usually goes quickly, but stay away from wormhole topics such as work, sports or politics. If the women are close, step 8 means a walk-you-to-your-car goodbye. This can last anywhere from 5 to 16 minutes. After that it’s smooth sailing. Get home, take your pants off and celebrate a lovely evening and another successful evacuation.

Thursday, 11 August 2011

Innes & Out



Ray Banks has just pulled off one of the great feats of crime fiction in my eyes - successfully capped a PI series. With Beast of Burden, he's brought Cal Innes to a conclusion that in retrospect seems inevitable without ever losing my investment along the way. Over at Ransom Notes, he's listing his personal favorite short series, but here at the Hardboiled Wonderland he's giving us a peak inside his head. 

It's British in there. It's more than a little intimidating too. Dude's wicked smart and funny to boot. He should be huge. He still might be. Seriously, if people bought books in a just universe, James Patterson and Nicholas Sparks would be his pool boys. If you like your crime gritty and nitty and dangerous, get the hell around to reading Ray Banks. 


Can you briefly relay the story of the end of your croupier career and the beginning of the writing one? Did the one follow the other immediately?

The two had no connection whatsoever, despite what you may have read. I left the casino because I was overworked, underpaid and the armed robbery brought it home how little staff safety meant to the organisation. The writing career, such as it was, didn't start until a year or so later, and was chiefly a way of keeping myself sane when I was unemployed. I'd tried writing books before I went to Manchester, but they were just drunken pseudo-Palahniuk rubbish. I only started having some success when I made a point of subbing to places that edited like Handheld Crime, Hardluck Stories and Thrilling Detective. Once I started learning, that was when I started to think that maybe I had a shot at this.

How heavily did The Big Blind draw on your personal experiences?

Well, Les Beale was a composite of a lot of different punters I knew. The casino staff were also composites of various people I knew at the time, too. All the casinos mentioned in the book are based on real Manchester and Salford casinos, but with the names and layouts changed slightly. As for the double-glazing salesman stuff, a lot of the sales talk was taken from my time on the doors and listening to salesmen. So yeah, it was reasonably autobiographical. 


How much do you stick to the "write what you know" advice?

I don't take it as literally as some people. I mean, obviously I use whatever personal experiences I feel are apt for a particular scene or book, but it doesn't have to be as autobiographical as the advice would suggest. Yes, I've written books about gamblers, and I'm writing one about a casino robbery at the moment, but if I purely wrote what I knew, I wouldn't have written the Innes novels. I mean, what do I know about stroke-related aphasia, prison or private investigation? I think that particular maxim needs to be taken as a general "write with emotional integrity" maxim.

How intent on writing a series character were you with Innes?

Completely intent, if the publishers would let me. I had things I wanted to explore. As it turned out, both UK and US publishers were quick to turn a two-book deal into four, so I had some wriggle-room. It was never going to be a long-running series, though. It couldn't be, could it? Not with Innes getting battered like that. In my head, it was originally five books, with the Scottish part of Beast of Burden as its own novel, but in the end the Declan stuff fitted better with the overall concerns of Beast of Burden, so I folded it into that book.

Yeah, I really respond to those short-series characters who leave everything on the page. Gotta keep a good sense of the stakes right? Do you have any more series characters coming?

That's exactly it. The longer the series, the less likely something awful is going to happen. It reminds me of that quote I posted recently from an NYT article about Breaking Bad - "The depravities of leading men in TV dramas traditionally don't leave permanent scars". And that's how I see it. A series should essentially be a mini-series, not an ongoing soap opera, and anything that happens in that series should have lasting consequences. You should pick up a new book in the series not knowing if something is going to blow that series' world apart. That doesn't exactly fit with a traditional idea of what a series is, though.

But yeah, I always saw Farrell and Cobb as series characters in a kind of Hap and Leonard, Coffin Ed and Gravedigger Jones kind of way. I don't know how many books as yet, but I do have a last one in mind.

Beast of Burden came out in UK a couple years ago, why did we have to wait so long in the colonies and what else are we behind on?

When the deal was done I think there was a year in between, and because Polygon published in March and HMH in September, it actually turned into 18 months. The US wasn't that far behind when you look at it like that, but it has been odd seeing the reaction to something I wrote almost two years ago. And you've got to hand it to HMH - they've put out some lovely-looking hardbacks. As for anything else, I think the only things the US may have missed out on are the two novellas, Gun and California, but I'm working on putting that right. I've been storing books in the meantime. Expect a flurry of books coming your way soon.

I've been reading a lot of books lately that would've benefitted immensely from having their page-count halved. Gun and California are great examples of why I love novellas - just right to the point story-telling that doesn't skimp on the emotional impact. Do you think they're easier to write stamina-wise or is it harder to pull of a successful story that length?

My tendency is to write short anyway, so they're much easier to write. I mean, thinking about it, a 15-30k novella is about a third of a novel, and so finding a natural arc is actually quite straightforward. And some ideas don't scream out to be novels, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be written. It's nice to have a halfway point between novel and short story. The actual writing of them is exactly the same - outlined, drafted, retro-outlined, drafted again etc. It just takes less time.

Have you written screenplays before?

Quite a few, as it turns out. I have a horror/thriller script doing the rounds at the moment about a stag party who fall prey to a bunch of itinerant Highland cannibals, there was another horror thing about a haunted oil refinery on Canvey Island, and I'm currently messing around with another draft of a Savage Night adaptation. Guthrie's, not Thompson's. Again, I have a list of stories I want to get out there, but I have to have to be able to write 'em first.

How'd you come to write and publish Wolf Tickets (the serialized novel spanning three issues of Needle magazine)?

I originally wrote Wolf Tickets as a collaboration with a well-known Irish crime writer back in 2005 or thereabouts, but for contractual reasons he couldn't continue with it beyond the first chapter. He gave me his blessing to continue with the book and I wrote it in about a month, whereupon it sat on my hard drive doing bugger all for five years. I don't even think we put it out to publishers. Not because it was a bad book - if I thought that, it would've stayed where it was, along with all the other failures - but because it wasn't particularly marketable. The main characters were a dog-killer and a shoplifter, and those were probably their least repellent traits. There was an inordinate amount of swearing and slang that wouldn't be heard outside of Tyneside. It was around 60k too, so it was too short for most publishers.

But when I heard that Needle were looking for longer pieces to run, I asked them if they'd be willing to look at Wolf Tickets as a three-parter. It was partly pure advertising on my part - I didn't have anything new coming out in 2011 other than a novella and the US edition of Beast of Burden, and I thought a serial might be a fun way to get my name out there. Plus, I knew that Weddle and JHJ wouldn't care about the concerns I've just mentioned - they're better men than that. So I did a page-one rewrite and they seemed to like it. Then they published it and other people seemed to agree with them. For me, I got to be in one of the best crime print mags I've ever read, so it was win-win.

Do you get worried notes about impenetrable Brit-slang in your work from US editors?

Is it impenetrable?

My US editors have been brilliant about the slang - I think if it had been a problem, they wouldn't have bought the books in the first place. In fact the only thing they did ask me to change was the title of the second Innes. "Donkey Punch" is a phrase with unsavoury connotations, and I was more than happy to change it, given that it didn't have much to do with boxing.

No, certainly not impenetrable, but I think it goes a bit beyond an accent... A lot of my favorite American crime writers seem to have a larger international following than domestic, do you have any sense as to the geographical appeal of your work?

I hear more from American readers than Brits, but I think the books have a higher profile in the US. The Big Blind was also published in the US first, so that might've had something to do with it. Plus, a majority of the websites I've written stories for have been American. I think there are small pockets of appreciation in the UK, and I've had some nice reviews, but I don't tend to hear very much from my readers, so it's difficult to tell. I know there have been Italian and Polish editions of Saturday's Child, so there's obviously some kind of market abroad. Other than all that, I haven't a clue.

You said that The Big Blind wasn't conceived as a crime novel, what's your attraction to crime writing?

Yeah, I said that before I knew what a crime novel could be. I thought I was being literary because I was splattering angst all over the page, and I thought crime novels were all about solving crimes rather than committing them. I swiftly learned that crime fiction was more than the police procedurals and thrillers that make up the bestseller lists. Crime fiction is realist drama, it's social fiction with the discipline of a plot. It features human beings at the extremes of emotion and morality. It can focus on marginalised members of society as well as those who run it. It delves into the psychology - normal or otherwise - of both the state and the citizen. A crime novel can be both high and low culture, a novel of ideas or tabloid dreck. That's why I love it - the scope and the potential.

Did you study writing formally?

Nope. And I wouldn't, unless I was going to teach it. Don't see the point otherwise. 

Would you like to teach? If so, what do you think you could impart?

I don't think so. I've had the opportunity to teach before, and I've said no. This is a tough one, because I know writers who teach and who are brilliant at it. I mean, these guys can get pretty much anyone's work up to a publishable standard. But I can't help but feel that "publishable" shouldn't be the goal here. The bookstores of the world are yawning with "publishable". It keeps those guys in work, and I'm happy for them, but I don't know that I'd be comfortable with it. I just wouldn't know what to say to people. Read better?

Help me read better then. What are you looking for in a book?

An authentic and compelling voice. Clarity of thought and description. Brevity of action. Wit and originality. I want to see recognisable human beings as characters, and I want to see those characters treated with emotional integrity. There should also be the ambition to create something beyond entertainment, but also the knowledge that entertainment is a narrative necessity. A great book might not have all of these things, but it should have as many as possible. And when you see something that hits one of those marks, you should take time to see how it was done.

Do you re-read many books?

Everything I own, I re-read, otherwise there's no point in owning 'em. The only ones I can think of that I re-read on an annual basis would be Ted Lewis' GBH, Don Herron's Willeford bio, something by Richard Yates and Selby's Last Exit to Brooklyn. Everything else gets read when I need specific inspiration.

Why aren't you huge?

Loads of reasons. The Innes books are PI fiction, which is an extremely unfashionable sub-genre. None of my characters are particularly sympathetic, and Innes is neither a conventional hero, nor is he cool enough to be a successful anti-hero. My plots aren't exactly thrill-rides, there are no big, explosive set-pieces, and the violence is anything but slick. Then there's the "bad language", both in terms of swearing and slang, which apparently offends and befuddles readers respectively. Oh, and I don't subscribe to the kind of gonzo nihilism that defines your average bestselling "cult" authors. Finally, there's always the possibility - and a very strong one at that - that the books just aren't good enough or universal enough to connect with a large mainstream audience. That's okay, though. I knew I'd be a tough sell.

Is that basically your pitch letter then?

Yup. I'd also like to add that I'm a terrible self-promoter with questionable personal hygiene.

THE BACK CORNER BUS SEAT

I would venture to guess that the chasm between what I imagine goes on back there and what actually takes place is a small one indeed. Here's a list of what I’m pretty sure happens in this seat:



Gang related activity

Hobo Masturbation

Excrement handling and/or flinging

Teenage HJ’s

Criminal activity resulting in blood

Farting

Something involving menstruation

Satanic and/or religious graffiti

Reading of The Wall Street Journal

Heroin injection

Booger picking, rolling and flicking

Booger picking and smearing

The whispering of sexual advances and/or death threats.

Peeing

Something having to do with HIV

The lingering odor of death

Wednesday, 10 August 2011

JARRING ITUNES LIBRARY TRANSITIONS

It’s a true joy to shut off shuffle and plow through an entire record, just as the artist intended. It’s music’s version of reading a book. In fact, you can get so immersed you lose track of the last song. That’s when Bel Biv Devoe’s “Poison” comes out of nowhere and hits you like a ton of bricks. Here are the most jarring transitions in my iTunes library:



Beirut to Bel Biv Devoe

Ben Folds Five to Beyonce

Billie Holiday to Billy Idol

The Black Angels to The Black Eyed Peas

Bob Marley to Bobby Brown

Bon Iver to Bone Thugs & Harmony

Chuck Mangione to Chumbawamba

Danger Mouse & Daniele Luppi to Darryl Hall & John Oates

Dead Confederate to Dean Martin

Devotchka to Dexy's Midnight Runners

Elvis Presley to Eminem

Fang Island to Fat Joe

Frightened Rabbit to Fu-Schnickens

George Clinton to George Winston

The Hold Steady to House of Pain

Led Zeppelin to Leona Lewis

Mumford and Sons to Murray Head

The National to Naughty By Nature to Neil Diamond

Tuesday, 9 August 2011

CHURCH BONERS

Church isn't for camping, so when I pitch a tent I feel real bad. It's for serious reflection, soulful awakenings and wrapping yourself in the lord’s golden light. Not for acting like a pimply-faced middle school kid. It is simply unacceptable behavior for a highly respected member of the community like me. Not to mention, it lands you in one hell of a pickle. If you don’t stand at certain points it’s disrespectful to the baby Jesus. Then again, if you do stand and someone sees you partying at 3 o’clock, it’s almost worse. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. In my defense, some women’s idea of what constitutes their “Sunday best” has gotten pretty darn risqué. I know, I know, no excuse. But you wouldn’t see that kind of skankery in a singles bar 20 years ago much less god’s house. Plus, if you go as many times as I have you pretty much have the thing memorized. The mind begins to wander. It’s just really really embarrassing. For everybody. Especially when I’m giving my sermon.

Monday, 8 August 2011

NEW YEAR'S EVE

Unless you’re Lil’ Wayne, New Year's Eve is a perpetual letdown. Too expensive, too crowded, too hard to get a cab, too anticlimactic, too much douchery. Here are some things I’d rather do with my time besides going out on New Year's Eve:



Making a red vine into a straw at a movie

Playing 18 holes of golf (Golden Tee)

Re-ordering my pantry while drinking beers

Scratching my athlete's foot

Going to Chili's

TPing houses

Watching TV at the gym while riding the stationary bike really slow

Deleting files on my computer

Coming up with new hopes and dreams

Facebook stalking

Dominating old people in Bingo

Trying to finish a medium level song on Guitar Hero

Correctly naming all the songs in my iTunes called "track 1"

Finishing a Grisham while taking a Grisham

Momentous Occasion

The play-by-play...

Saturday night in St. Louis saw one of my favorite N@B events yet. The readers were fantastic as always, but it held a couple of special distinctions to me - one, it was the first St. Louis event for Scott Phillips' Og-tastic new book, The Adjustment. Yeah, since we've been doing this series, he's had Rut and Rum, Sodomy and False Eyelashes released, but this one holds an extra-special place in my heart. And two, it was the public introduction to our labor of love - Noir at the Bar, the book! It was great to have so many close friends and contributors on hand for the event. I got mine signed by Matt Kindt, David Cirillo, Matthew McBride, Scott Phillips and Laura Benedict (who stopped by before the event, but unfortunately couldn't stay - she rocks).

And though the contributions to the book are a monument to the event's past, the excitement shared for it points only to the future. If you count folks that've participated more than once, (myself, Scott, Anthony Neil Smith, Frank Bill), add the two that got away (for time-crunch reasons - Theresa Schwegel and Tim Lane) plus those who've participated since - Aaron Michael Morales, Fred Venturini, John Hornor Jacobs, Jane Bradley and Jesus Angel Garcia - shit, we'd be half-way to another collection already. Hmmmm. Let's see if we can't recoup our money and raise some funds and awareness for Subterranean Books with this first one, for now.

Scott kicked off the evening with a look into the head space of my favorite sociopath Wayne Ogden and David Cirillo read a novel excerpt featuring bad English accents, nudity, public disturbance and a scene that reminded me of nothing so much as the restaurant scene from John Cameron Mitchell's Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Jane Bradley made everybody really uncomfortable with a reading from her fantastic book You Believers (really - go read the shit out this one. I'm picking up one of her short story collections next - either Power Lines or the one Kyle Minor supposedly told her should just be called Sex - Are We Lucky Yet?). Jesus Angel Garcia put the lights out with his megaphone preacher routine from badbadbad and I gotta say, my admiration for that guy and his hustling is just growing constantly. 9,000 miles into his self-funded book tour and he looked fresh and full of energy. WTF? I look like hammered shit three days into a work-week. That guy deserves any and all success that finds him.

I'd like to point your attention to a couple spots of interest on the N@B front -  Laura Benedict is giving away three copies of the book on her blog Notes From the Handbasket with a cool little contest, (nothin hard) and David Abrams featured the anthology with a little note from me on his excellent literature blog The Quivering Pen. Thanks ere'buddy. Scott also mad this ridiculously fun trailer for the book. I like watching it on a repeating loop and have been humming that song non-stop for a week now.

Over at Ransom Notes it's Don Winslow's The Gentleman's Hour stirring thoughtsnshit. Plus, I make passing mention of Urban Waite, who it turns out has his story Nobody Heard a Thing the Night the Chicken Died posted at Design Observer. Checkerout.